Review: Sucker Punch

Grade: D

Upsides: A unique vision that could only have come from 300 and Watchmen’s Zack Snyder. A few thrilling action scenes make the abundance of weaknesses somewhat digestible.

Downsides: Needlessly convoluted plot supported by 2D fetish fodder characters that are anchored by generally weak performances. A pure example of the worst qualities of style over substance.

There’s an easy joke that describes the experience of watching Sucker Punch.

I wish I was better than this, but…yeah…I got sucker punched.

Zack Snyder’s first directorial effort of original material is what some might term a “hot mess”. Vapid, incoherent and inherently fetishtic--and those aren’t even its worst qualities. Sucker Punch will mess with your head and you will feel like crap after it.

This clusterf-bomb, ironically, delivers its best punch first, but never follows up or surprises. A stirring dialogue-less sequence opens the film, introducing a nameless waif--in a timeless, unknown setting that may or may not be the 50's with Sin City trappings--who is committed to the, Arkham Asylum adjacent, Lennox House sanatorium after a violent encounter with her shady stepfather (Gerard Plunkett). Baby Doll (Emily Browning), as she is anointed, must find a way to free herself--and her coterie of cutely-named compatriots, including the aggressive Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish) and the raven-haired Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens) (Clearly, someone looked up irony in the dictionary)--before a mysterious doctor arrives to “remedy” her disposition.

Now, that simple premise might be the foundation for a compelling story. But, therein lies the rub. Not content to tell a reasonably coherent or remotely human story, Snyder opts for a fable filled with fetish fodder and unfettered foolishness. Instead of having Baby Doll and her crew simply try to escape in the real world, Snyder and screenwriting partner Steve Shibuya have created a multi-layered dream world--the strangest this side of Christopher Nolan’s Inception--where Sailor Moon and the…I mean Baby Doll and her crew must recover the five mystical items they’ll need to bust out. Now, this dream world is a layer beneath the dream world where the girls are dancers in a seedy brothel/club that looks like an asylum (think the Pussycat Dolls LIVE at Arkham). Confused? Don’t worry. If you survived Inception, this is a cakewalk, only the cake is pretty nasty and the walk will kill your feet. That said, I feel bad for Snyder and the timing of this release. He may have conceived of Sucker Punch before Inception ever hit theaters, but since it shares Inception’s multilayered dream worlds and multi-plot structure, it will always be compared—unfavorably—to Nolan’s modern mindbending heist flick.

Sucker Punch’s visually distinct dream worlds are triggered by Baby Doll’s imagination, which is anchored by real world elements. Characters and items in real world appear as symbolically exaggerated versions of themselves in dream world. (Yes. Shades of Alice and Dorothy’s fantastic adventures abound.) Once inside the first dream, the girls are transported to the next dreamscape—one where robots, dragons, orcs and Nazi zombies try to stop them from obtaining mystical items in some occasionally thrilling action sequences—by Baby Doll’s supposedly hypnotic dance. How hypnotic is this dance? Good question. I don’t know because Snyder never shows it.

Even if Snyder did deliver a scene of this transcendent dance, Browning’s Baby Doll doesn’t have the charisma or coordination, based on her sluggish warm up maneuver--to command an audience’s undivided attention. Browning is a blank. As with most protagonists in today’s CG-heavy genre flicks, she lacks any discernible personality or allure beyond being a bleached blonde and harboring a curious affinity for Japanese schoolgirl uniforms (This is right up your alley Otakus, or so Snyder thinks). Abbie Cornish’s Sweet Pea and Jena Malone’s Rocket fare slightly better as sisters at odds over supporting Baby Doll’s “insane” escape plan. Of the two, Cornish fares better, showing a hair more subtlety and depth than any of the other cartoons on screen. Vanessa Hudgens and Jamie Chung are sadly—or not depending on your respect for their “talents”—relegated to thankless roles as badass action girl #4 and badass action girl #5, with heart! Before both signed on, someone should’ve told them that unless you’re blonde you won’t be clocking any significant screen time.

Antagonizing our intrepid heroines is the thoroughly underwhelming Blue Jones played by Oscar Isaac—who was equally smarmy and ineffective as Prince John in last year’s Robin Hood. I say this with no hesitation and total awareness of its hyperbole, but never has there been a less intimidating antagonist on film than Oscar Isaac's Blue. He is physically smaller than the heroines—and most of the cast for that matter—and he poses only the scantest of threats because it’s never made explicitly clear what he does to the girls until the end. Now, smart moviegoers can figure out Blue’s evil intentions and actions as soon as they see him, but the rule of “show don’t tell” exists for a reason. Carla Gugino plays counterpoint to Isaac’s Blue as psychiatrist/house mistress with a silly Polish accent Madam Gorski. Scott Glen shows up at the beginning of each stage—just like a video game tutorial—to gruffly give the girls their mission and drop a litany of goofy clichés like “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything” as the film’s banal attempt at humor. Keep an eye out for Jon Hamm in a pivotal, but underserved role (Someone stop giving this man extended cameos, and offer him the lead. Please.).

Sucker Punch’s few redeeming qualities are hardly enough to save this muddled misfire, but they are worth noting. Above all else, Sucker Punch has vision. I don’t have the inside track, but I’m 90% sure Snyder told the story he wanted to tell. His visual signature is all over this flick. From an abundance of slow-mo shots to the charred earth settings and rusty sunset palette, Sucker Punch is clearly the love child of 300 and Watchmen. It also owes a debt to one of my favorite directors, Japan’s Kazuya Kiriya—a man also know for his style over substance approach. Take a look at Kiriya’s only feature film releases, Casshern and Goemon, then see if the seeds of Sucker Punch’s visual style weren’t planted in those gritty, CG-laden live-action anime. The CG in Sucker Punch does have its moments—a colossal dragon and some creepy giant samurai being the best examples—but generally it handicaps the movie into becoming the video game it so desperately wants to be. This is Gears of War writ large(r) with a sexy squad of soldiers facing down more epic movie clichés than the aliens in the Kia “Epic” commercial. This attention to eye-candy characters and spectacle is quickly becoming Snyder’s calling card and it makes me very concerned for the future of the Superman franchise. Here’s hoping we avoid Lois Lane in a leather corset fighting the denizens of Apokolips with a M5 in one hand and a samurai sword in the other.

Full disclosure: I’ve been waiting for Sucker Punch since last year’s Comic-Con. While my anticipation wasn’t at fever pitch, it was pretty high. So, to say I’m disappointed is beyond an understatement. I was preparing for what could’ve been, at bare minimum, one of the coolest visual experiences of the spring. But maybe I should’ve paid more attention to the tagline because I was not be prepared for a movie this bad.

Review: Battle: Los Angeles

Grade:B-

Upsides: Aaron Eckhart’s alternately subdued and intense performance. Gritty military combat reminiscent of modern classics Black Hawk Down and Saving Private Ryan.

Downsides: Clichéd, disposable supporting characters and a bit of melodrama from the younger actors in the slower moments.

In any given alien invasion movie, there’s always vague talk of the military’s efforts to “halt” the invasion. We rarely see their efforts in these flicks outside of the irtrouncing at the beginning and the triumphant curb stomp they deliver to the once unbeatable invaders at the end.

Battle: Los Angeles earns that ending by actually showing the die-hard efforts of a—here it comes—“ragtag” platoon of Marines who “save” LA in the wake of an extraterrestrial Pearl Harbor.

As opposed to typical invasion flicks, which often serve too many masters with multiple interweaving plotlines, Battle: LA is lean and focused with some amazingly gritty set pieces. It only falters when it tries to be deeper than a men-on-a-mission/Independence Day mash-up and plunges into occasionally clichéd melodrama. In a sense, this is exactly what it says on the tin. Black Hawk Down with Aliens! As much as that sounds like a cheap pitch, it doesn’t hurt the quality of this flick one bit. This is a summer flick lost in the wrong season—or is it?—but that doesn't stop it from setting the stage for blockbuster season, two months early.

Aaron Eckhart anchors Battle: LA as haunted, exhausted Marine Staff Sargent Mike Nantz. On the day of his discharge, Nantz is forced into one final tour of duty as LA is besieged by a brutal alien force bent on decimating the population and co-opting the planet’s water (What is it with water as a MacGuffin these days? First Rango, now this.) Merged into unit of young soldiers who distrust him for a costly mistake from his past, Nantz must find a way to help the unit rescue a small group of civilians, and maybe find holes in the alien’s defenses, while struggling with an overwhelming case of survivor's guilt.

Of course Eckhart isn’t the only performer in the flick, but he is the only one the audience is going to care about. The rest of the cast, including Michael Pena and Bridget Moynahan as a pair of noble civilians trapped in the invasion zone, is practically disposable. Battle: LA opens by acquainting the audience with almost a dozen characters. Some are mildly remarkable, like virginal Pfc. Shaun Lenihan (Noel Fisher) and bitter Cpl. Jason Lockett (Corey Hardrict), but most are forgettable military clichés, ranging from the sly Jersey smartass (Gino Anthony Pesi) to the soon-to-be-wed (Ne-Yo) and the expecting father (Ramon Rodriguez). As soon as the audience meets the characters, they can begin taking bets on who survives and who doesn’t. Once Michelle Rodriguez arrives in the later half, all bets are off, thanks to her dubious survival record. Not to ignore the adequate efforts of the cast, but Eckhart’s Nantz is such a force—through big-time heroics and a subtlety in slower moments that escapes the younger actors—that none of the other characters stand a chance of stealing his spotlight. He is the perfect combination of the haunted, yet determined, hero, harkening back to the days of Eastwood and Wayne.

Not to be outdone by his performers, Director Jonathan Liebesman shows a deft hand at combining practical and computer generated effects to create a solid portrayal of decimated Los Angeles. The alien invaders have a look that falls squarely between Transformers and District 9. The grotesque insectoids are decked out in cluttered mechanical armor that makes them seem like one of the poorest and most desperate alien race to ever invade. The junky look of the aliens and their vessels creates a vulnerability that allows the aliens to avoid seeming invincibility. This vulnerability is invaluable in the combat sequences, which host some dirty and realistic, yet fairly thrilling, gunfights. By the end of Battle: LA, the amount of destruction to natives and invaders is astounding. There is a true sense of loss and defeat that is well captured by the Liebesman and his team—even if we've seen it all before—putting Battle: LA leagues above some weaker invasion films of the past decade (eyes directly on you Skyline).

On the surface, Battle: LA may seem like an obvious spin on the invasion formula, but it is a sometimes thrilling, adequately-crafted take with a compelling central performance. As one of the better invasion flicks in a long while, audiences would do well to get a front row seat to end of LA as we know it. Just don't start counting the references to other invasion flicks.

Review: Beastly

Grade: C-

Upside: Neal Patrick Harris.

Downside: Everything else, especially the complete absence of subtlety and blatant pandering to the Twilight crowd.

Poor Alex Pettyfer.

Kid’s just getting his break and he’s had to play a knockoff Edward Cullen twice.

On the heels of playing an angsty love struck alien teen in I Am Number Four, he anchors a modern take on Beauty and Beast as an angsty love struck deformed teen in the aptly named Beastly.

Word on the street is already pretty damning about this flick—we’re talking “worst movie of the year” heat. But, come on, based on the trailers alone, did anyone think this was going to be high, or even moderately entertaining, art? Beastly is a tepid retread of the classic “true beauty is on the inside” fable designed to appease Twilight fans while they wait for Breaking Dawn.

Pettyfer stars as Kyle Kingston, a pompous, rich pretty boy who worships physical attractiveness and is king of the hill at a swank Manhattan high school that looks more like an office building. On his way to becoming president of the school’s vague environmental committee, he steps over shy, smart girl Lindy—Vanessa Hudgens playing her go-to ‘soulful, smart outsider’ character from everything she’s been in—and draws the ire of resident creepy goth/emo witch Kendra—Mary-Kate Olsen, clearly drawing from her own experience and wardrobe. After embarrassing, Kendra, Carrie-style, at a school dance, Kyle is cursed to live as a ‘tattooed freak’ who must find true love within a year. Removed from his cushy life in Gossip Girl adjacent by his equally conceited newscaster father—played with flat villiany by Parenthood and Six Feet Under's Peter Krause—Kyle spends half that time acting like he's maturing and trying to cajole Hudgen's Lindy to fall for him.

Pettyfer expands slightly on his role from Number Four. Instead of being stoic and boiling with teenage rage, he’s boiling with teen rage while being stoic and arrogant. See the difference there. Thankfully, he has a solid supporting cast, including the earthy Lisa Gay Hamilton as his forgiving Jamaican maid (not quite as bad as it sounds, but close) and the perennially awesome Neil Patrick Harris. NPH plays blind tutor to Pettyfer’s Kyle during his exile to the outer boroughs and it is his impeccable comic timing, razor wit and barely-contained exasperation that single-handedly saves this flick from being a complete waste. Think of NPH as the clever, wry voice of enlightened annoyance in the face of teen melodrama. If only there, were someone like that in Twilight…

Aside from a few solid performances, Beastly is generally a mild and forgettable experience with its greatest flaw being the pitiable lack of subtlety. Want to know how a character in Beastly feels? Give them a second and they’ll tell you, at the top of their lungs. The lack subtlety even extends to the direction. Director Daniel Barnz packs Beastly with extreme close-ups and gratuitous musical cues to punctuate the already thick melodrama. If it weren’t for a handful of reflective moments peppered throughout the 90-minute run time, there would be no clue that this was made after the late 90s. It is also noticeably light on action. Considering this is supposed to be an edgy update, one would think there be some significant action sequences to keep the 18-34 demo invested. With only one remotely thrilling scene, Beastly manages to deliver less action than the 20-year old Disney version. Beastly is definition of ‘meh.’ Uninspired, unoriginal and nowhere near unforgettable. The target crowd—Twilight fans and pre-tween girls—will eat this up, but most audiences will be too busy rolling their eyes at the over cooked melodrama to let this one take a place in their memory.